“Second Chances”

A JAG Fan-Fic

By Sheri Mitchell

sheri@mountainport.ca

http://mountainport.ca/JAG/

Part 2

Absolutely stunned, Mac stared at Harm for a few seconds before she could get herself moving. When she did, she grabbed him by the elbow and literally hauled him down the corridor. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the Lorings turn and go back into the room. She’d worry about damage control later. Turning on Harm she glared up at him. “What kind of a game are you playing?”

“It’s no game, Mac.” His eyes were two chips of glittering gray stone. “He’s mine. Jennifer told me last night.”

“And you believed her?” She took a deep breath, getting a grip on herself, and continued in a softer tone. “Harm, she was dying and she probably knew it. I don’t mean this the way it’s going to sound, but isn’t it possible she made that up, hoping Aaron would have someone to go to? She probably knew how her parents would feel about taking him in.”

“I’m not as naïve as you take me for,” he responded bitterly. “I didn’t know about her parents’ feelings, but I didn’t just accept her story at face value, either, until I started thinking back to the last time I saw her. Mac, it was in February of 1995, exactly nine months before Aaron was born.”

Mac wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. It was a compelling bit of evidence, but was it enough by itself to justify his certainty? Unbidden, the memory of last night came to her, when he was trying to settle Aaron down in bed. She remembered thinking then how much they looked alike. The boy’s eyes were the same color as Harm’s too, that clear but mutable blue-gray and, although she hadn’t seen Aaron smile much, she couldn’t deny that there was a certain familiarity in the few wide grins Harm had coaxed from him. She’d always thought of that smile as Harm’s signature and it certainly looked like Aaron shared it.

Was it possible? Could that little boy in there really be Harm’s son? She knew instantly what it would mean to him to discover he had a son, one who had grown up without him. If Harm truly thought Aaron was his, no force on this earth could keep him from claiming him.

Before she could say any more, the door to Aaron’s room opened and his grandparents came out. Giving Harm a look of pure contempt, they turned their backs on him and went down the corridor. Harm let out a sound that was part scoffing snort, part growl.

“Damn it, Mac, even if he wasn’t my son, I wouldn’t want Aaron with those people. They don’t give a shit about him.”

“Take it easy,” she said gently. “We’ll get this sorted out.”

“Damn right we will,” he growled, stalking off down the hall.

Truly worried about what he might do, Mac hurried after him, but there was nothing she could say or do to make him stop until they arrived at the doctor’s private office. He banged on the door, shoved it open and strode in, but Mac nearly ran into him when he stopped abruptly. Stepping sideways around him, she saw immediately what had brought him up short. Aaron’s grandparents sat in front of the desk.

Looking more than a little uncomfortable, Dr. Broughton gestured to a seat. “Come in, Commander. I was just about to send someone to look for you.”

Tension evident in every move he made, Harm stalked across the room and slid into a chair. For a moment, Mac was uncertain whether she should stay or go, but when she saw the Lorings subtly join hands in a united front, she crossed quickly and sat down beside Harm.

The doctor’s gaze scanned all four of them before stopping on Harm. “Mr. and Mrs. Loring have explained the situation to me. If there’s going to be a dispute over custody of the child, I’m obligated to contact the Department of Social Services.”

Harm’s gaze slid momentarily to the Lorings. “Apparently, there’s going to be a dispute all right.”

Mr. Loring turned slightly in his chair. “So we’re just supposed to accept your unfounded claim that he’s your son? You said yourself you hadn’t seen Jennifer in years!”

“Seven years ago, to be precise,” Harm replied sharply.

“So even if you did get her pregnant, you ran out on her!”

“I did not! Maybe if you’d seen fit to do something beside alienate her, she might have been willing to tell you—”

“Gentlemen, please!” Dr. Broughton said sternly. “This isn’t the time or the place for this discussion. I’m merely telling you what my obligations are. Aaron Loring is my patient and if I feel there’s any question about who his legal guardian is, I cannot release him to anyone but Social Services. You’ll have to take your argument to them.”

“Count on it.” Harm shot to his feet. “Come on, Mac. I want to make sure Aaron’s all right.”

Mr. Loring was on his feet almost as fast, but he directed his words to Dr. Broughton. “Since our relationship to the boy isn’t in dispute, Doctor, I think you should at least respect our wishes regarding who is allowed to see him and I don’t want him—” He stabbed a finger in Harm’s direction. “—anywhere near Aaron.”

Mac thought Harm was going to blow a fuse on the spot. She had never seen him so livid, but somehow, he managed to keep a grip on his temper. He glared at Loring, his entire body nearly vibrating with barely controlled rage.

“If that’s the way you want it, fine – for now! My relationship to Aaron may be in dispute now, but it won’t be for long. I’m going to demand a paternity test as soon as possible.” He spun toward Dr. Broughton. “I want you to draw blood from both of us right now.”

The poor doctor looked like he wanted to melt into the floor. “I’m afraid that, unless the Lorings agree to it, I can’t do that, except by court order.”

Harm swung on Loring again. “What’ll it be? I have a feeling we’re going to end up in court at some point, so just how long do you want to drag this on?”

Looking an awful lot like a cornered animal, Loring shot a glance at Dr. Broughton. When he didn’t get any help there, he turned to his wife. They exchanged a long look, then Mr. Loring squared his shoulders and faced the doctor. “All right, draw the blood. It’s obvious he’s not going to go away without a fight. If it comes up negative, that will be the end of it.”

Harm made a move as if to go to the door, but stopped very close to Loring. Towering over the shorter man, he leaned forward until his face was only inches from Loring’s. “You’re right, it would be the end of it if the test comes back negative, but it won’t. So unless you come to your senses when those results come back, I’ll see you in court.”

~~~~~~

After going to the hospital’s lab so they could draw some blood from him, Harm and Mac went down to the cafeteria to await the arrival of a Social Services caseworker. They both picked up a cup of coffee from the self-serve machine but on the way to a table, Harm suddenly detoured out into the courtyard attached to the dining room. He stopped under the canopy of a large tree planted in the middle of the garden and took a slug of his coffee before turning and leaning his back against the trunk of the tree.

“You know what’s going to happen, don’t you? The Lorings are going to drag this out as long as they can, hoping I’ll give up. In the meantime, Aaron’s going to end up in foster care. That’s the last thing he needs right now.”

“I agree,” she said cautiously. She hesitated, but she had to know if he was thinking clearly about this. “Harm, what are you going to do if the test does come back negative?”

“It won’t,” he replied with absolute conviction.

“But what if it does?” she insisted. “How do you know for sure she wasn’t...”

“Sleeping around?” he finished for her. “There’s absolutely nothing that would make me think she was. Mac, we had our problems and it didn’t last long when we tried to get back together in ’95, but we parted as friends.”

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt,” she said softly.

“I already am, Mac. I’m hurt that Jen didn’t tell me she was pregnant. I’m hurt that my son had to grow up without me. I know what that feels like, remember?”

“Did she tell you why she kept it from you?”

He gave a slight shrug. “She wasn’t in any shape to talk much yesterday, but she said something about not wanting to derail me just when I was finally getting back on track.”

That certainly made it sound as though she cared about him, but unfortunately, Jennifer’s motivations would be Harm’s word against the Lorings’. They were claiming she told them he ran out after learning she was pregnant. That story wouldn’t sit well with any judge hearing a custody case.

Instantly, Mac came to a decision. “Harm, if it does go to court, I want to represent you.”

He gazed at her, momentarily shocked. “Thanks, Mac, but I don’t want to drag you into the middle of this.”

“I’m already a part of it,” she said firmly. “We’re in this together. Don’t make me spout clichés about a lawyer who represents himself.”

He gazed at her in silence again for a moment. “Do you think I’m a fool for doing this?”

“No!” she said quickly. She folded her hands over his arm. “Not if you really believe he’s your son.”

“I do, Mac. All I have to do is look at him and something inside me...” He sucked in a breath and heaved his half full coffee cup into the nearest trash can. “I can’t explain it, but there’s been a bond between me and Aaron from the moment we met. I’ve never felt anything like it before...” He drew one finger down her face, tracing the line of her cheekbone. “Except with you.”

Mac understood instantly what he was talking about. From the very moment she laid eyes on him, she had felt a special connection with Harm, a bond that went so far beyond words it was impossible to describe. If he felt that same sort of bond with Aaron...

“Let me represent you,” she whispered. “If there’s anything I can do to help bring the two of you together, I want to do it.”

Heaving a deep sigh, Harm pulled her into his arms, hugging her so tight it nearly drove the breath from her lungs. “Now I know why I love you so much.”

~~~~~~

Mac drew back and stared up at Harm, not sure her system could handle another jolt, especially one of this magnitude. Till now, the new, more personal side to their relationship had been casual and fun: no pressure, no strings. He gazed back for a moment, then gave a soft chuckle and pulled her close again. “I guess I let another cat out of the bag, huh, but it shouldn’t come as a surprise. You know I’m crazy about you.”

“But you’ve never said...” She couldn’t finish, but she didn’t have to.

“I know, but I should have.” He drew back this time, just enough to look her in the eye. “Mac, there’s a lot of things I should have said over the years. I guess we both probably know some of the reasons why I didn’t say those things, but...well, those reasons just don’t apply anymore. I realize now that I had my chance with you, on that damn ferry in Sydney Harbor, and I blew it. For whatever reason, you decided to give me a second chance. I’m not going to blow this one.”

Mac tightened her arms around him, pressing her cheek to the hard muscles of his chest. “I love you, too.”

She literally felt the thrill that ran through him. Ducking his head, he found her lips with his own, giving her a long, deep kiss that quickly threatened to spiral out of control. He started to pull her even closer, his hands dropping toward her backside, but at the last second, he must have remembered they were in public. With a small gasp, he broke away, giving her a tiny push backward because he couldn’t step away himself with the tree in the way.

“We’d better take a recess here, counselor, or we’re going to get ourselves into trouble.”

She giggled. “Agreed, but we’re definitely not adjourned.”

That wide flyboy grin of his slid slowly onto his face, but there was a new and wholly provocative element to it. Mac was a fraction of a second away from reconvening their exploration of each other but she sensed a movement behind her. Harm glanced over her shoulder and the smile faded. Turning, she saw the doctor approaching, a young, heavyset woman beside him.

Dr. Broughton gave a wave of his hand. “Cdr. Rabb, Col. MacKenzie, this is Marsha Townsend, from the Department of Social Services.”

Mac turned fully, noting that Harm kept his arm across her shoulders. He extended the other one to shake the woman’s hand. Mac shook her hand as well, glad to find the woman’s grip firm and confident. “Pleased to meet you, Ms. Townsend.”

“Call me Marsha, please. Dr. Broughton explained the situation to me,” she said to both of them. “He’s agreed to let me use his office for a few minutes. Shall we go sit down and talk about this?”

Harm gave an abrupt nod and Mac could feel the tension flowing back into him. “Lead the way.”

Back in Broughton’s office, Harm took the same chair as before. Dr. Broughton waved Marsha to the seat behind the desk and she gave him a grateful smile as she sat down. “Because of the dispute regarding custody of Aaron, we are seizing him temporarily,” she began.

Harm bristled instantly. “He’s not a possession to be seized like some kind of asset.”

“It’s the terminology we use, Commander, and as an attorney, you are well aware of that,” she replied.

“I’m sorry,” he said more gently. “I do understand your terminology. I just never realized what a...loaded word that could be.”

Marsha nodded. “When I leave here today, I’ll take the blood samples with me. They’ll be tested by an independent lab we have under contract. The results should be available within three to six weeks.”

“Six weeks!” Harm repeated. “Our lab could have it done in six days!”

“That may be, but it has to be an independent lab.”

Harm took a deep breath and Mac could see him struggling to hang onto his temper. “Where will Aaron be staying in the meantime?”

“He’ll be placed in foster care.”

Mac already knew how Harm felt about that, but to her surprise, he simply nodded. “The Lorings have given Dr. Broughton instructions that I’m not to have any contact with Aaron while he’s here in the hospital but if he’s going to be in your custody, I’d like permission to see him. Dr. Broughton can confirm how much Aaron has looked to me for support ever since the accident. He must be scared silly and I want to make sure he’s all right.”

Marsha turned to the doctor. He nodded his confirmation. “The boy does seem attached to him and he’s been very upset since he was told about his mother. Seeing the commander might do him some good.”

Marsha considered this a moment. “All right, I’ll arrange for a supervised visit but you are not to mention anything about the possibility that you’re his father.”

“I’d like to see him on a regular basis,” Harm announced.

Mac knew he was pushing, but she understood why, and apparently so did Marsha. She folded her hands carefully in front of her. “Let’s see how the first one goes. If he responds well, we might be able to arrange for more.”

By the time the meeting ended, Mac could tell Harm was thoroughly disgusted and disappointed but out in the corridor, Marsha offered him a small consolation. “I’ve got a few minutes, so if you’d like, I’ll supervise while you visit with Aaron.”

“Right now? That would be great,” he replied, smiling for the first time since the meeting began.

As they headed back toward the pediatric ward, Harm was surprised at how nervous he was. This would be the first time he’d seen Aaron since admitting to anyone that he was the boy’s father. Somehow, until he said it aloud, it hadn’t seemed quite real, but now that he had said the words, reality was setting in with a vengeance.

He was a father! He couldn’t explain it, but knew with absolute certainty that Aaron was his. The conviction went all the way to his soul. When Jennifer had whispered those words to him, her voice so weak he had to strain to hear her, something in the universe had shifted and with nothing more than the word of a dying woman, he knew.

Immediately on the heels of that knowledge came a wave of anger at the cruelty of fate. In a malicious attempt to repeat history, it had cheated Aaron out of having his father in his life for his first seven years but now that Harm knew about him, nothing – no one – would stop him from being there for the rest of it.

He stepped into Aaron’s room, unconsciously bracing himself for the impact of a small missile. He only realized he’d done it when the expected collision didn’t happen. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, Aaron looked up when the door opened, but there was nothing more than the barest hint of recognition in his eyes.

A feeling Harm couldn’t name slithered slowly up his spine. It was a cross between cold fear and the gut wrenching pain of rejection. What scared Harm even more was how close the feeling was to what had gone through him while he was flailing helplessly in a cold, brutal ocean. He’d never felt more alone and bereft in his life – until now.

Suddenly, he had no idea what to say or do, but Marsha was watching closely and he knew she was waiting to see this alleged connection between him and Aaron. He was afraid to move, but he was more afraid not to, so he took a few tentative steps toward the bed. “Hey, champ, how you doin’?”

“Go away,” Aaron said quietly.

“What’s the matter?” Harm asked softly. “Why are you mad at me?”

Aaron folded his arms across his chest and glared defiantly up at him. “You said you’d come back and you didn’t!”

“I’m here now,” he pointed out helplessly. He took a chance and put a hand on Aaron’s shoulder. “I’m sorry it took me so long, sport, but I couldn’t help it. I got caught up...doing adult stuff, but I came back as soon as I could.”

He felt some of the tension flow out of the small body under his hand. “Then...you didn’t stay away because you didn’t want to see me?”

“No!” Harm knew Aaron was only talking about the past few hours, but his words so easily could have referred to his whole life, and Harm’s answer encompassed both. “Believe me, if I wasn’t there for you, it is not because I didn’t want to be.”

Aaron didn’t look entirely convinced, but his anger was fading fast. He gazed up at Harm with eyes exactly the color of the ones that looked back at him in the mirror every morning. “You sure?”

“Oh, I’m very sure.” He sat down on the bed and after a moment’s hesitation, Aaron scrambled over into his lap. Harm wrapped his arms around the small form and held him tight. I’m here now, son, and once we get this mess straightened out, I’m never going to leave you again.

~~~~~~

Mac felt a lump rise in her throat as she watched the scene unfolding before her. She’d seen the devastation on Harm’s face when Aaron seemed to reject him. Now, as he sat cuddling the boy and talking softly with him, she was acutely aware of the uncanny resemblance between them. The dark hair, the eyes, even the facial expressions... She found herself starting to believe Aaron really was Harm’s son – and praying she was right. If that test came back negative, it would destroy him.

After giving them a few minutes alone, Marsha approached the bed. Harm glanced up then turned back to Aaron. “This is Ms. Townsend. You’re going to be staying with some very nice people for a while and she’s going to take you to them?”

“You mean those people who were here before?” Aaron asked, his tone cautious.

“No, different people.”

Confusion wrinkled Aaron’s brow. “But they said that since my mom couldn’t look after me anymore, I was going to live with them. I’m scared, Harm. I don’t want to go with them. I want to stay with you!”

“I know you do,” Harm said gently, “but you can’t.”

“Why not? I don’t want to go with them, or with her.” He gestured toward Marsha. “They’re strangers and my mom said never to go anywhere with strangers.”

“But Harm’s almost a stranger,” Marsha pointed out. Mac was about to ask the same thing herself, wanting the boy to explain why he felt so attached to Harm.

“No, he’s not!” Aaron said adamantly. “He’s my friend! He stayed with me when I was stuck in the car and told me stories so I wouldn’t be scared.”

Mac had her answer. She caught Harm’s gaze, intending to let him know that she, too, thought what he’d done yesterday was a wonderful thing, but the moment their eyes met she was lost in the raging storm of emotion she saw there. Fear and hope, anticipation and worry, sadness and joy: they all mingled together there in a jumble that left him more vulnerable than she had ever seen him.

Utterly captivated by this new and unexpected side of him, she felt the universe contract until nothing existed but the two of them. She had no idea how long she stood there, lost in his eyes, but the moment was abruptly shattered when Marsha crossed between them to stretch out her hand to Aaron. “It’s time to go.”

Aaron’s whole demeanor changed instantly. Eyes wide with sudden fear, he shrank back against Harm’s chest. “No!”

“It’s okay,” Harm said gently. “I promise you you’ll be safe.”

“Will you come with me?” he asked in a tiny voice.

Harm glanced up at Marsha, but she shook her head. He closed his eyes briefly. “I’m sorry, champ, I can’t.”

“But,” Marsha said quickly, “Harm can come and visit you. Would you like that?”

Aaron nodded. “Uh-huh.”

“It’s a deal then,” Harm said a little too quickly. Scooping Aaron off his lap, he rose and set the boy on his feet. “You go get settled in and I’ll see you real soon.”

“When?” Aaron asked, still holding Harm’s hand as they walked to the door.

Marsha answered for him. “I’m sure he has to work tomorrow, but I’ll bet he could come after work. In fact, I’ll bet you he can visit with you a couple of times this week, and maybe even on the weekend.”

Harm gazed at Marsha, hope alight in his eyes. Mac clearly understood the message Marsha was trying to communicate. She knew Harm did too, but she could tell he was almost afraid to believe it.

“Are you free tomorrow after work, Commander?” Marsha asked very pointedly.

Harm finally shook off the shock. “You bet I am.”

“Good. We’ll see you then,” she said with a smile. Casually but very gently, she took Aaron’s hand from his and placed it in her own.

“Bye, Harm.” Aaron’s voice still held a note of sadness.

“Bye, kiddo. See you tomorrow.” Harm watched as they went out. For a long time after it closed, he continued to gaze at the door, then swung abruptly toward Mac. “Damn it, Mac, this is killing me!”

She went to him instantly and he pulled her into a tight hug. She held him just as tightly, wishing she could somehow make all the pain disappear. “I know how hard this must be for you. Patience has never been your long suit, but you have to try – for both your sakes. If you’re too uptight, Aaron’s going to sense it.”

“I know,” he said softly. Loosening his hold on her, he pulled the door open, keeping one arm around her as they went out. “He’s a sensitive kid.”

Mac gave him a little squeeze. “He takes after his father that way.”

~~~~~~

Determined to take his mind off things, Mac insisted they follow through with the rest of their plans for the day. They spent the afternoon exploring some of the lesser known historical sites in Washington and Virginia and finally stopped for dinner at the cutest little restaurant. Throughout the day, she could tell Harm was trying his best to forget about Aaron for awhile. She could also tell he wasn’t entirely successful.

On the drive home, he finally brought up the subject again. “Mac, I’ve been thinking about your offer to represent me if, and when, this goes to court. I’m going to take you up on it.”

For a change, he’d agreed to let her drive. She took her eyes away from the road long enough to glance at him. “I’m glad, but I’ve been thinking about it too. Are you certain suing for custody is what you want to do?”

“Of course! How can you even ask that?”

“Take it easy. All I was suggesting is that it’s undoubtedly going to be a long and bitter fight. Even with a positive paternity test, you’ll have an uphill battle convincing the judge you suddenly want to be part of Aaron’s life after nearly eight years of silence.”

“I’ll find someone to corroborate the fact that Jennifer never told me about him. She must have confided the truth to someone, a friend, a coworker, someone!”

“Even if you do, the judge is going to be more concerned with what’s best for Aaron in the here and now,” she pointed out.

“What could be better than being with his father?” he shot back quickly.

Mac heaved a small sigh. “Harm, it’s natural for you to think that way. It was the thing you wanted most when you were growing up, but after all that he’s been through, Aaron needs the most stable home he can get. You’ve got a lot of outside obligations. You could be called to a TAD assignment at the drop of a hat. Have you thought about how you’re going to deal with that if you’re responsible for a child?”

“Not a lot yet, no, but I’ll deal with it.” His tone was hard and unyielding. “There are plenty of single parents in the Navy and they manage. I will too.”

Parking in front of his apartment, she followed him inside and up the rattling old elevator. Inside the apartment, he gave the door a harder shove than necessary to close it and Mac knew she’d pushed a few buttons this evening. She hadn’t really meant to, but she also knew they needed to be pushed eventually.

Anger and tension rolling off him in waves, he prowled the apartment. “I thought you were behind me on this, Mac.”

“I am!” she insisted, “but if I’m going to be your attorney, it’s my job to bring up the issues the judge is going to be considering.”

“Maybe, but you make it sound like you don’t think there’s a judge on the planet that would give me custody. I know my life is going to change if Aaron comes to live with me. I’m not naïve you know!”

Almost sorry she’d brought up the custody issues, she shifted her purse to the other shoulder. “Look, I think maybe I should just go for now.”

Harm watched her turn sadly toward the door. “Mac, wait!”

He was across the room in one big bound. Catching her shoulders, he gently turned her around. The tension and defensiveness in her rigid stance had him kicking himself hard. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“I know you didn’t, but maybe I should go.”
“Please don’t.” Gazing down at her, a sudden ache rose within him. “I...I need you.”

She seemed to literally melt against him, her hands sliding up his chest to lock behind his neck. She pulled his head down, locking her mouth on his. The instant she kissed him, he was lost. Heat rose inside him, bathing him in a sweet agony that twisted his insides. He couldn’t stifle the groan that rumbled up from his chest when her lips parted, her tongue darting out in search of his.

His reaction to the heat of her sudden passion was predictably swift and complete. In less than a heartbeat, he was as hard as steel. His hands dropping to her bottom, he pulled her hard against him, fitting her soft body to the hard angles of his own.

This was about as far from how he’d imagined their first time would be as it could get, but he was powerless to stop himself. Mac didn’t seem interested in stopping either. She reached for the front of his shirt, frantically working the buttons until she could push the material aside. Her hands scorched a path across his chest, driving the breath from him with a deep involuntary groan.

Ducking low, he scooped her into his arms and carried her up the stairs to the bedroom. Stopping beside the bed, he released her legs, letting her slide slowly down his body. He nearly went to pieces when she boldly reached for his belt.

The rest of their clothing disappeared without conscious effort. He had seen her in the skimpiest of bikinis and he thought his imagination had filled in the gaps pretty well, but nothing could have prepared him for the overwhelming sight of her standing before him, fully nude, her eyes smoldering with desire. Slack jawed, he watched as she took two provocative steps toward him.

Placing her hands on his shoulders, she gently turned him around and gave a small shove, forcing him to sit down on the side of the bed. He parted his knees and pulled her close, ravaging her belly with hot wet kisses that had her gasping and writhing beneath his hands. Supporting her with his arms around her backside, he kissed and caressed until her moans took on an urgent tone. Rising swiftly, he lifted her off her feet and placed her gently in the center of the bed then stretched out beside her. Rolling over, he positioned himself above her, their eyes locking in a long moment of searching before they finally completed a joining that had been inevitable from the moment they met.

What seemed a lifetime later, Mac drifted endlessly in a languid, dreamy place, Harm’s breath tickling the damp and sensitive skin on her neck. Her hands skimmed over his back, feeling the ripple of tiny aftershocks that traveled between them through their still joined bodies. Rather than being oppressive, his weight was a comfortable presence, enveloping her in a kind of warmth she’d never known before. Turning her face, she pressed her cheek to his.

“I love you,” she whispered.

Slowly, as though it cost him every ounce of strength he had, he lifted his head and kissed her. “I love you too,” he rasped hoarsely. “You’re...incredible. I’ve never felt anything like that in my life.”

And neither had she. She’d always known that making love with Harm would be the most amazing experience of her life, but even that didn’t begin to describe the reality of it. He rolled slowly to the side and she had to stifle a whimper of regret as his warmth left her. She rolled toward him, burrowing down against his side.

“Mac?” he breathed.

She rolled a little father, propping her chin on his chest. “Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

There was so much emotion in that one word, she felt the sudden sting of tears. “What are you thanking me for?”

He wrapped his arms around her and held on tight. “Just for being you.”

~~~~~~

They both awoke early the next morning and over a leisurely breakfast, Mac put her formidable skill as a lawyer to work and convinced Harm he needed to tell Admiral Chegwidden what was going on. He chafed at the idea, preferring to keep his private life just that, but she finally convinced him that if he needed to ask for time off, the admiral would probably react more favorably if he wasn’t blindsided by it.

She also insisted on taking her own car into work instead of riding with him, saying she needed to go home that night and see if her apartment building was still standing. He chuckled at that, knowing full well she was making excuses. She knew he wanted to leave straight from the office for his visit with Aaron.

Praying his CO was in a good mood, Harm went straight to the admiral’s office when he arrived at HQ. Tiner announced him and got a growled response to send him in, but Harm knew he wouldn’t be able to assess the admiral’s mood until he went inside. The gruffness was permanent.

Thankfully, the admiral seemed in good spirits when Harm approached the desk. “What can I do for you, Commander?”

“Sir, I...a situation came up this weekend that I think you should be aware of.”

That got the admiral’s attention. Pulling off his glasses, he set his pen aside and waved to a chair. “Have a seat. What kind of situation?”

“Well, sir, Col. MacKenzie and I witnessed a traffic accident. We went to render aid and I discovered a child trapped in one of the cars. I don’t know quite how to put this, Admiral, so I’ll just say it. It turns out the boy is...my son.”

My Son. He had to get used to saying those words! They still felt strange on his tongue.

Admiral Chegwidden blinked a few times then his expression folded into a frown. “I wasn’t aware you had a son.”

“Neither was I,” Harm replied quietly.

Chegwidden’s eyes opened even wider. “I see,” he said cautiously. “And the...relationship...has been confirmed?”

“Not yet, sir, but a test is being done.”

“Was he hurt in the accident?” the admiral asked.

“No sir, but...his mother was killed.

This time, the admiral winced. “Poor kid. Does he know who you are?”

Harm knew where the admiral’s line of questioning was going. “No sir, and it gets worse.”

As succinctly as possible, Harm outlined the issue with Jennifer’s parents and Social Services’ intervention. Admiral Chegwidden listened impassively, until Harm got to the part about suing for custody.

“That’s a big step,” he commented quietly.

Harm nodded. “Yes sir, but it’s one I have to take. He’s my son.”

“How can you be sure of that? You said the results of the paternity test aren’t available yet.”

“No sir, they’re not. They won’t be for three to six weeks, but I don’t need a blood test. I can’t explain how I know, Admiral, I just do. He’s mine. I don’t expect anyone else to understand.”

To his surprise, the admiral nodded. “But I do understand, Commander, probably better than most people.”

Francesca! For a long moment, the two men gazed at each other, both realizing they shared something very few people could comprehend.

Very slowly, the admiral sat back in his chair. “So what happens in the meantime?”

“Aaron’s in foster care. His grandparents didn’t want me to have any contact with him, but Social Services has agreed to supervised visits. Sir, the only reason I’m bothering you with my personal life is that I might need to take some time off if this does go to court and...Col. MacKenzie has agreed to represent me if it does.”

“So you’ll both want time off.” For a moment Harm thought the admiral was going to refuse, but with a tilt of his head, he reached for his glasses. “Keep me informed, Commander.” The professional tone was back. “I’ll do what I can to rearrange things if it becomes necessary. I can’t promise more than that.”

It was more than Harm had expected. “Thank you, sir. I hope it won’t become necessary.”

The admiral paused, halfway through putting his glasses on. “So do I, Harm. So do I.”

~~~~~~

It took a bit of finagling, but Harm managed to get out of the office a few minutes early that afternoon and by sixteen-thirty, he was on his way to the address Marsha Townsend had given him when she called earlier that afternoon. Harm was surprised and pleased to find out Aaron’s foster family lived only twenty minutes from the JAG HQ. He pulled up in front of the tidy little rancher with its white picket fence and immediately thought of his little loft apartment. It was plenty big enough for him, but there was no way it would work if he had a new little sailor coming on board.

He wasn’t surprised when Marsha Townsend answered his knock on the door. “Come in, Commander. I’d like you to meet Stan and Tracy Allan. They’ll be looking after Aaron until we get things settled. Stan, Tracy, this is Cdr. Harmon Rabb.”

Stan Allan, a tall, trim man with salt and pepper hair, stuck out his hand. “Glad to meet you, Commander.”

Harm took the man’s hand. “You too. Call me Harm.”

Tracy also shook hands, offering him a pleasant smile, then called over her shoulder. “Aaron, you have a visitor.”

“Is it Harm?” came a loud and excited voice.

Before she could reply, Aaron came bounding out of a room at the end of the hall. He raced down the hall but the moment he spotted Harm, he skidded to a halt, his eyes wide. “Oh, cool!”

It took Harm a moment to realize Aaron was reacting to the uniform. He flashed him a grin. “I told you I was in the navy.”

“And you’re going to take me to see a ship, right?”

“Well, not today,” Harm said quickly, “but I did say that, didn’t I?”

“Uh-huh. Hey, you want to see my room? It’s cool. I gotta share with Marty, but that’s okay ‘cuz I never had to share before.” Harm didn’t have a chance to answer. Aaron grabbed his hand, determined to drag him down the hall. Laughing, Harm let him do just that.

The bedroom walls were painted blue, with a race track wallpaper border circling the room at waist level. Against the far wall was a set of bunk beds. Aaron raced across the room and dived onto the bottom bunk. “This is my bed. Marty gets to sleep up top ‘cuz he’s older.”

“Oh.” Harm nodded knowingly, although he didn’t have a clue who Marty was.

“Marty’s a foster kid,” Aaron said suddenly, as if reading Harm’s thoughts. “He lives here now ‘cuz his mom and dad didn’t want him anymore.” A contemplative look settled on his face. “I know my mom didn’t want to go away, but do you think my dad didn’t want me?”

Harm nearly choked. “I...I’m sure that’s not the reason he’s not with you. Did your mom...ever talk about him?”

“Naw, she only said he couldn’t live with us like other dads do. She didn’t say why.” He paused, his gaze dropping to the floor. “I wish my mom didn’t have to die. Now I got nobody, just like Marty.”

Harm’s heart cracked open a little wider. Ducking low, he managed to squeeze his large frame in beside Aaron and pulled him onto his lap. “Listen to me. No matter what happens, you will always have people who care about you.”

“Who?” Aaron asked in a small voice.

“Me, for one, and Col. MacKenzie. You remember her, don’t you?”

Aaron looked up at him. “You mean Mac? That’s what you call her.”

Harm chuckled. “Yeah, Mac.”

“Is she your girlfriend?”

Now there was a tough one, but he’d have to get used to tough questions from an active and observant young man. “Sort of. Mac and I work together, but we see each other outside work too.”

“Oh.” Aaron paused a moment, then looked up at Harm again. “Do you ever get lonely?”

“Sure I do,” Harm said quickly. “And it was even worse when I was a kid.”

“Why? Did your mom and dad go away too?”

“My dad did,” Harm replied softly. “Do you know what an MIA is?”

As briefly as he could, Harm explained about his own father, wanting Aaron to know that there were others who understood what it was like to lose a parent. Aaron listened, his eyes filled with a maturity and sadness Harm knew his own eyes had carried at that age. No kid should have eyes that looked like that.

“Did you miss your dad a lot after he went away?”

“Yeah, I did. I still do.” It probably wasn’t what he should have said, but it was the truth.

“I miss my mom, too.”

Harm gave him a squeeze. “I know you do, champ, but it will get easier. You won’t ever forget her, but you’ll learn how to keep her in here—” He tapped the boy’s chest. “—so she’ll always be with you.”

Aaron nodded and then, with all the agility of the nimblest fighter jet, his mind switched gears again. “Hey, come see the video games they got here. They’re way better than the ones I got at home.”

He bounced off Harm’s lap and that’s when he realized Marsha Townsend was standing in the doorway. “You two having fun?”

“Yeah,” Aaron replied brightly. “Harm’s going to play video games with me.”

“I am?” Startled, he rose to his feet. He caught the look of merriment in Marsha’s eyes, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. She was getting a real kick out of watching a seven-year-old knock a hotshot naval aviator and lawyer off balance, but the kid was doing one hell of a good job at it. He let Aaron drag him out to the family room and past Stan and Tracy to the video game console attached to the TV in the corner.

“Just a minute, Aaron. You didn’t say anything about playing the games. I’m no good at these things!”

He heard a chorus of adult laughter behind him. Now he was really on the spot, but he’d been in tighter fixes before. Feeling more than a little embarrassed, he dropped onto his six on the floor beside Aaron. “At least tell me you’ve got a flight simulator on this thing.”

“No. Besides, my favorite is the kickboxing one.”

Harm groaned. Oh Lord, where was Mac when he needed her?

~~~~~~

Harm got the answer to his question when he got home that evening after tucking in a tired but very triumphant little boy into bed. Mac was standing in his kitchen sautéing vegetables. She beamed him a bright smile when he came through the door. “Perfect timing. If you hurry, you can change before this is ready.”

His hand still on the door knob, Harm stared at her. The whole place smelled great and she looked dynamite standing there in jeans and a light cotton shirt under his garishly striped barbeque apron.

“Don’t just stand there,” she teased. “Go change!”

She waved a spatula toward the bedroom, but it was her command tone that got him moving. He took the stairs two at a time and tossed his cover on the bed with one hand while tugging at the buttons on his shirt with the other.

It only took a few moments to change into a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt but by the time he came down the stairs, she was dishing up. Without so much as slowing down, he strode into the kitchen, took the plate from her and set it on the counter before pulling her into his arms. He kissed her deeply, feeling her melt against him. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

“Me?” she said a little breathlessly. “What did I do?”

“You know damn well what I’m talking about,” he said with a smile. “You didn’t have to come over here and go to all this trouble.”

“It’s no trouble. We both have to eat, and I really want to know how it went this afternoon.”

“Great! The kid beat the pants off me on a video game, but I’ll get my revenge.” He crossed to the door and grabbed his briefcase, pulling out a small bag. “I stopped and bought this for next time.”

She took out the copy of Junior Flight Commander it had taken him half an hour to find and burst out laughing. “I hate to tell you this, but he’ll probably clean your clock on this too.”

He shrugged. “Maybe so, but at least it’s better than getting my head beat in by a giant purple creature with kickboxing moves that would make even your head spin.”

She threw back her head and laughed. It was the most captivating sound he’d ever heard.

She managed to get herself under control and together, they finished dishing up dinner. Over a fantastic meal, he told her about his visit with Aaron. “Kids are so resilient. He’s still confused and he misses his mom, but he seems to really like the foster home.”

“That’s good.”

“And there’s another foster kid there, so he’s got someone to play with and talk to. I didn’t meet the kid, but Aaron talked a lot about him.”

“When are you going back for another visit?” she asked.

“Wednesday. I talked to Marsha and the foster parents while Aaron was in the bath. We agreed on Monday, Wednesday and one day on the weekend.” Harm was already running through the options for things they could do on the weekend. Lost in thought, it took him a moment to realize Mac was staring at him with a strange smile on her face. “What?”

She chuckled. “Till now, the only time I’ve seen that gleam of excitement in your eyes is when you’re about to climb into the front seat of an F-14. You’re really having fun with him, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I am,” he said honestly. “He’s a great kid, Mac. He’s smart and funny and full of life.”

“I bet your mom would have said the same thing about you at that age,” she commented.

He shook his head. “When I was his age, I was already planning to join the navy and become an aviator and on the side, I was working on ways to find my father. After he disappeared, I think I forgot how to be a kid.” He turned to face her fully. “There’s no way I want that to happen to Aaron.”

She covered his hand with hers, squeezing gently. “It won’t.”

He let out a hard sigh. “If he ends up with his grandparents, they aren’t going to have a clue what to do with him. They don’t even really want him and he’s going to pick up on that awful fast.”

Her frown deepened. “You’re probably right. He’s pretty astute for a seven-year-old.”

“He’s already asking questions about who’s going to look after him, and I don’t mean who’s going to feed him and make sure he’s got clean clothes.” He dropped his gaze to the table. “Mac, he asked me if his father went away because he didn’t want him.”

He heard her sharp intake of breath. “What did you say?”

“What could I say? I just told him that I was sure that wasn’t the case, but I don’t know if he believed me. He’s still numb about his mother, but there are going to be some hard times over that, too.”

“And you want to be there for him,” she said unnecessarily. “I understand that. That’s the kind of man you are, Harm. You’d want to be there for him even if the issue of paternity had never come up.”

His head sprang up. “But it did. Every hour I spend with him deepens the bond, Mac. I see so much of myself in him.”

So did she. The more she heard about the boy, the more he reminded her of Harm. She gave his hand another squeeze. “Once we have the results of the DNA test, we’ll be able to form a game plan, but in the meantime, just keep doing what you’re doing. Have fun with him. You both need it.”

He tipped his head back, dragging in a breath. “I know.”

~~~~~~

Wednesday afternoon, Harm arrived at the Allans’ armed with the new video game and a firm resolve to keep things light and fun, but one look at the adults’ faces had apprehension darting through him. “What’s wrong?”

“Aaron’s a little upset today,” Marsha told him. “His grandparents came to see him. I was with them the whole time and nothing happened that I’m aware of, but he’s been upset ever since they left.”

“Where is he?” Harm asked quickly.

“In his room,” Tracy answered. “He’s on a time-out at the moment.”

“A time-out? What did he do?”

“He’s been very defiant all afternoon. He got the time out for refusing to wash up after playing in the sandbox.”

Harm heaved a sigh. “Can I talk to him?”

“We should let him finish the time-out,” Marsha suggested.

There were only ten minutes left, but by the time it was over, Harm felt like he’d been in a time-out himself. He followed Tracy down the hall and waited while she knocked on the door and went in to tell Aaron the time-out was over. She came out a moment later. “Go on in, but he’s still not in a very good mood.”

Bracing himself for anything from tears to a tantrum, Harm stepped into the bedroom. He got neither.

Aaron was lying on his bed, staring up at the bottom of the bunk above. He glanced over when Harm came in, then returned his gaze to the same spot. Harm looked around the room and quickly realized there wasn’t a chair large enough to support him, so he opted to sit on the floor beside the bed. He was already beginning to realize dealing with a kid was hell on navy whites. “Hey, champ, what’s going on?”

“Nothin’.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing to me. It looks like you’re mad about something.”

There was a long pause. “I’m not mad at something, I’m just mad.”

The answer surprised Harm. “Well, I guess it’s okay to be mad, but it’s not okay to take it out on other people.”

Aaron sat up quickly. “I didn’t!”

Harm knew he was treading on dangerous ground here. “Tracy said you’ve been grumpy all day.”

“Not all day,” Aaron replied defensively.

“Oh, so when did you start to get grumpy?” Harm asked, knowing the answer.

“After...they...left.”

“Who’s they?”

There was another long pause. “My...grandparents. They came to see me today.”

“Did they say something to upset you?” Harm asked.

Marsha’s voice came from the doorway. “Cdr. Rabb, can I talk to you for a moment?”

He glanced over at her, seeing the warning look on her face. “Just hang on. I know what I’m doing.” Wishing he felt as confident as he sounded, he turned back to Aaron. “So, did they?”

“Not really,” Aaron admitted, but all they wanted to talk about was me living with them. Harm, I don’t want to live with them. They’re old!”

Harm couldn’t help chuckling a little at that. “Well, at your age, anyone over ten is old, buddy.”

“They don’t even have a video game!” Aaron moaned.

“They could get one,” Harm answered, trying to be reasonable.

Aaron shook his head. “I asked them and they said we’ll see. Adults only say that when the answer is no but they don’t want to say so.”

Harm laughed again and ruffled Aaron’s hair. “They’re just not used to having kids around anymore. If you do end up living with them, they’ll have to figure it out all over again. They didn’t have video games when your mom was a kid.”

The answer seemed to make Aaron feel better. Now, if only Harm believed it.

Picking himself up off the floor, he held out his hand to Aaron. “Why don’t we go out in the back yard for a while. I hear there’s a sandbox out there.”

“Yeah, but...am I allowed? I got in trouble earlier ‘cuz I wouldn’t wash when I came in.”

“Well, will you wash up this time without a fuss?” Harm asked.

“I guess so.”

“You’ll have to do better than that,” Harm told him.

Aaron groaned. “All right, I will. I promise.”

“Good man.” Taking Aaron’s hand, Harm let him lead the way out to the back yard. There was not only a sandbox, but also a swing set and some monkey bars. Aaron ran straight to the sandbox. Harm followed more slowly, hanging back when Marsha caught up to him.

“You’re good with him,” she said quietly.

He shrugged. “I’m fumbling my way through this.”

“Well, you’ve got good instincts and given how you feel about his grandparents...”

“Hey, I know better than to let on to him how I feel. He’s confused enough already.”

“Like I said, your instincts are good.” She gave him a smile and dropped back, giving him some private time with Aaron.

Harm never did get around to bringing out the video game that day. Instead, he just hung out with Aaron in the back yard, watching him play in the sandbox. Aaron invited him to play too, but he managed to convince the boy that a sandbox wasn’t the best place to be while dressed all in white and promised to bring “play clothes” next time.

Mac nearly collapsed in a fit of laughter when he told her that later that evening. Just as she had the first time, she was at his apartment fixing dinner when he got home. As they shared another wonderful meal, Harm realized just how quickly he could get used to this. Both Aaron and Mac were becoming an integral part of his life and suddenly, both were filling holes he hadn’t even known were there.

There was only one problem. He wasn’t sure he had the right to expect Mac to fill any holes. Ever since the accident, he had been so focused on Aaron, he’d hardly spent any time at all with Mac. Less than a week ago, their relationship had gone to a new and far more intimate level and he’d barely even acknowledged it.

Watching her putter around his kitchen like she’d been doing it all her life made him realize just how much he was starting to take her for granted. That was dangerous in any relationship but in one as new and complex as theirs, it could be fatal. She went to go by him on a return trip from putting things away in the fridge but he reached out an snagged her from behind, pulling her against him.

“Have I mentioned recently just how much I love you?”

She giggled. “Not recently enough.”

“My thoughts exactly,” he replied with a laugh. Turning her in his arms, he captured her lips, kissing her slow and deep, the way he knew she liked. As always, her lithe, athletic form turned soft and pliable in his arms as she molded herself to him. When the need for air finally became greater than his need to taste her, he drew back, but only just enough to look her in the eye.

“I do, you know.”

“You do what?” she asked, sounding slightly dazed.

“Love you. I’m just beginning to realize how much you’ve been forced to take a back seat lately, and I’m sorry. I’m not being fair to you.”

She planted both hands flat on his chest. “It’s all right, I understand.”

“I never said you didn’t, but that still doesn’t make it fair.” He pulled her a little closer. “Let’s go out tomorrow, just the two of us, and I promise I won’t mention Aaron once.”

She very deliberately popped open a button on his shirt. “I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t we stay in tomorrow night and think up new ways to keep you so busy you won’t have time to mention him.”

The provocative gleam in her eye instantly stirred his blood – and other parts of his anatomy. He nuzzled against her. “Great idea. Want to get in some practice before tomorrow?”

Her only response was a deep, throaty chuckle when he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom.

JAG HQ – 10:12 EDT

Harm breezed into his office, glancing at his watch as he reached for the phone. He just barely had to time to make this call before he was supposed to meet with Mac. Digging out the phone number he’d looked up earlier and dialed quickly. Mr. Loring answered on the second ring.

“This is Cdr. Rabb, Mr. Loring. I hope I’m not disturbing you.”

“What can I do for you, Commander?” His tone was low and cold.

Fine. Two could play that game. “I’m calling to find out when and where Jen’s funeral will be.”

“On Saturday, in Baltimore,” came the curt reply.

“I see. Have you made arrangements to get Aaron there and back?”

There was a slight pause. “His grandmother and I don’t feel a funeral is an appropriate place for a child.”

Something deep inside him hardened dangerously. “I don’t agree. He needs closure, a chance to say goodbye.”

“It will only upset him,” Loring replied. “Unlike you, Commander, my wife and I have raised a child. We know what’s best for him.”

“Unlike you,” he ground out, “I’ve lost a parent, and I know what it does to a kid.”

“To you, perhaps,” Loring said coldly, “but Aaron is not you. As far as we know, he has no relationship to you whatsoever and you have no right to try dictating to us what is best for our grandchild. Our minds are made up. He will not be attending the funeral.”

“We’ll see about that,” Harm growled. “If you—”

A loud click sounded I his ear. Incredulous, he stared at the phone for a moment, then slammed it back on its cradle.

“What’s wrong?”

Mac’s voice came out of nowhere, startling him badly. His gaze flew toward the door to find her standing there, her face a mask of concern.

He waved an angry hand at the phone. “That was Aaron’s grandfather. They don’t want him to attend Jen’s funeral.”

“Why not?” She stepped into the office and quietly closed the door.

“They say it will only upset him, but he needs this, Mac. He needs a chance at some closure.”

“Like you never had?” she finished softly.

He gazed at her for a moment. “Like it took me over thirty years to find. I know first hand what not being able to say goodbye can do to a kid. I do not want Aaron to go through that!”

She took a step toward him but he backed off. He didn’t want to be comforted right now. He wanted to stay mad enough to make sure Aaron didn’t end up living the same life he had. “Look, I know we were supposed to get together on the Mason case, but can you give me a few minutes?”

She stopped, accepting his need for space, and nodded. “No problem. I was just coming to ask you if we could postpone anyway. One of the witnesses we’ve been trying to track down has surfaced. I want to meet with him before we sit down to go over our strategy.”

“Who is it?” he asked quickly.

“Tom Mason, the lieutenant’s brother.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” he asked, suddenly feeling pulled in two directions at once.

She shook her head. “I’m a big girl. I can manage.”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t, but we are supposed to be a team on this,” he pointed out.

“So, I’ll go interview him and fill you in when I get back. That’s what teamwork is all about.”

He hesitated a moment longer, but the smile on her face was completely sincere. “All right, but I owe you one.”

Her eyes took on a twinkle. “I can think of a way to collect.”

Before he could come up with a reply to that, she waggled her fingers at him and disappeared. Grinning, he stared after her, shaking his head. Not only had she given him the time he needed to deal with this, she’d managed to dissolve his anger as easily as sugar in water. His smile faded, though, as he picked up the phone.

Marsha Townsend was on another line when he called, forcing him to hold, but she came on the line a few moments later. Without preamble, he explained about his conversation with Mr. Loring. “I know I don’t have any official say in Aaron’s welfare yet, but the Lorings are making a big mistake. Aaron needs to do this.”

“I tend to agree with you,” she replied, “but showing up with him when they’re opposed to it may do more harm than good.”

“There has to be something you can do,” he insisted.

“I’ll talk to them. Don’t take this the wrong way, but they may be more receptive to hearing it if it comes from me.”

“Don’t you mean if it doesn’t come from me,” he countered.

“well, yes,” she admitted. “The conflict between you is bound to color their impression of anything you say.”

Harm couldn’t help but chuckle, even though there was little humor in it. “With that gift for understatement, you should have been a lawyer.”

~~~~~~

Mac got back from interviewing the witness just after lunch. She and Harm sat down in his office to discuss what she’d learned and to go over their strategy for defending Lt. Mason against a dereliction charge. They’d barely started when his phone rang.

To his surprise, it was Marsha Townsend. The first words out of her mouth totally floored him. “Aaron will be going to the funeral.”

“How did that happen?” he asked quickly.

“I decided to leave it up to Aaron. I talked to him and explained about the funeral.”

“And he said he wanted to go,” he surmised. He caught Mac’s gaze and her expression told him she understood what he’d just learned.

“Actually, he wanted to ask you if he should.”

Harm didn’t know what to say to that, but he didn’t have to reply. Marsha went on before he could think of something to say. “I’m going to be completely honest with you. I’ve been getting concerned about his growing dependence on you, so I consulted a professional.”

“And…” he prompted, apprehension sliding through him.

“And our staff psychologist reassured me Aaron’s behavior isn’t that unusual, given the circumstances.”

Harm let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. “You had me worried for a minute there. How did you convince the Lorings to let him go…or did you?”

“Yes, they’ve agreed, but they aren’t happy about it, and I’m afraid I can’t say much more than that.”

“I understand,” he replied, wishing he could have been a fly on the wall during that conversation. “Thank you for letting me know. Will you be the one taking Aaron to the funeral?”

“Yes. I’m driving him to Baltimore Saturday morning.”

“Then I’ll see you there.”

They said goodbye and Harm hung up, still a little stunned.

Mac tilted her head in that way that was uniquely hers. “I take it that was Marsha and that she managed to convince the Lorings to let Aaron go to the funeral.”

“She did, but she also said they weren’t happy about it. I wonder what she used to twist their arms?”

“I don’t think that matters. The important thing is that he’s going to be allowed to attend.” She paused. “It may be what’s best, but it’s not going to be easy on him.”

“I know,” he said with a sigh. “It will probably be one of the toughest things he’s ever had to do.”

~~~~~~

Jennifer’s funeral was also one of the hardest things Harm had ever had to do – not because it was hard for him personally, he’d attended far too many funerals in his life – but because watching Aaron struggle through facing his grief head-on for the first time damn near killed him.

Sitting with his grandparents, Aaron stared straight ahead, unaware that Harm was sitting a few rows behind him on the other side of the little church. About halfway through the service, a huge sob suddenly burst from the little guy’s throat and Harm jumped as thought the pain had stabbed through his own body. Beside him, Mac took his hand, squeezing tightly. He clung to her because it was the only thing that kept him from going straight to Aaron’s side.

Despite his increasing guilt over dragging Mac into this whole thing, he was eternally grateful for her presence that afternoon. She had insisted on coming, getting all the more adamant when he tried to let her off the hook by saying he was fine going alone. He wasn’t fine now, and she knew it. Her fierce grip on his hand told him that.

After the church service came the even more painful but mercifully short graveside ceremony. Harm and Mac stood on the opposite side from the family but as Aaron stood rigidly under his grandmother’s comforting arm, everything that Harm was screamed at him that he should be there for the boy, helping him through this.

As the service neared its end, Jennifer’s father took a handful of dirt and sprinkled it over the lowered casket. Mrs. Loring gave Aaron a gentle nudge and whispered to him. He hesitated a moment, then took a step forward. Harm could see the small hand tremble as Aaron reached for some dirt and his gut twisted sharply. Helplessly, feeling as though he was being turned inside out, Harm watched Aaron take the handful of dirt.

Then, as he straightened, Aaron looked directly at Harm for the first time. The boy’s eyes were red and swollen from crying but as they gazed at each other, Harm could literally feel something shift. Aaron’s expression smoothed to something that was almost peaceful. He held Harm’s gaze a moment longer, then looked down into the grave and slowly let the handful of dirt trickle through his fingers.

When the last of it had drained away, he looked up again, his gaze going straight to Harm’s. Held in a grip he couldn’t possibly have escaped from, Harm gazed back until Jennifer’s mother gently tapped Aaron on the shoulder. He blinked once, then turned away with his grandmother.

Very slowly, Harm became aware of the world around him again, including Mac’s hand, gripping his so tightly her nails dug into his flesh. He glanced down at her and was surprised to see tears glistening in her eyes.

“That was…incredible,” she whispered.

So, she had seen it too – and she understood. “Yeah,” he whispered hoarsely, “it was.”

~~~~~~

When they returned to the parking lot a few minutes later, Harm was surprised but thankful to see Aaron and Marsha waiting beside her car. Aaron said nothing, but his eyes never left Harm.

Marsha, on the other hand, looked a little uncomfortable. “I received permission from Aaron’s grandparents to take him to his mother’s house and get some of his things. He wants you to come along. I know this is an imposition, but—”

“Not at all,” he said quickly, his gaze still on Aaron. “I don’t mind.”
He finally dragged his gaze off the boy and turned it to Marsha. She smiled at him. “Thank you.”

It wasn’t until he and Mac were in the car that he realized he might have spoken out of turn. “I didn’t think to ask if you minded this little detour.”

“Of course I don’t,” she replied. “Seeing his home will give you a chance to get to know Aaron even better.”

And it did. Aaron insisted on showing Harm his bedroom. In the closet was his most prized possession: a garish purple and black skateboard. “My mom gave it to me for my birthday last year. She made me wear a helmet and all kinds of pads, but she bought ones that match, so it’s not so bad.”

“I bet you look great, all decked out in those colors,” Harm teased.

Marsha tapped Aaron on the shoulder. “Why don’t you and I concentrate on getting some clothes and stuff together for you.”

“Okay, but I get to take my skateboard, right?”

Marsha chuckled. “Yes, you can take the skateboard.”

While she helped Aaron pack, Harm wandered out into the living room. On the mantle over the fireplace stood a row of pictures. He found several of Aaron but the one that drew him the most was a photo taken when he was an infant. His tiny fists were curled tightly, and Harm instantly wondered what it would have been like to hold that small bundle in his arms, to feel those miniscule fingers wrap around his own.

He picked up the photo, gazing at it for a long moment. Mac’s hand smoothed across his back and he glanced down at her. “He was a cute kid.”

“He still is,” she said with a smile.

~~~~~~

With a promise that he would see Aaron on Monday, Harm and Mac finally headed back to Washington in the late afternoon. He drove in silence, his thoughts still on the little boy with too much age in his eyes. This whole situation was patently unfair to Aaron and left a bitter taste in Harm’s mouth. It pissed him off to think—

“Earth to Cdr. Rabb, do you read me?”

Mac’s teasing comment snapped him out of his reverie. “Yeah, I’m with you.”

“Are you?” she said softly. “You were a million miles away.”

He took his eyes off the road just long enough to glance at her and Mac instantly recognized that look in his eyes. He was fuming inside and she had a pretty good idea why.

“Try not to let it get you down,” she warned.

“You know, I’m really getting sick of people telling me that,” he snarled. “This whole mess is ridiculous and completely unnecessary. His grandparents made it perfectly clear what an imposition this is for them, yet they’re willing to let Aaron hang in limbo till hell freezes over!”

“They’re only doing what they think is right,” she reminded him.

It was the wrong thing to say. He shot her a look dark enough to cloud the entire interior of the car. “Don’t you dare take their side in this!”

“I’m not!” she cried, her own anger starting to simmer. “I’m trying to point out that there are two sides to everything and considering your profession, you of all people should know that!”

“You damn right there are two sides, a right one and a wrong one, and if you think for one minute—”

Abruptly, he wrenched on the wheel, pulling over to the side of the road and hitting the brakes. The moment the car stopped, Mac turned in her seat, ready to tear a strip off him wider than a carrier deck, but he shut her down completely with two simple words.

“I’m sorry.”

He blew out a breath and let his hands drop from the steering wheel. “This whole thing is getting me down more than I thought it would, but that’s no excuse to take it out on you.”

“You’re right, it’s not,” she said gently, her anger evaporating, “but I understand.”

“Do you?” he shot back. “Do you really? Damn it, Mac, that kid feels like he’s totally alone in the world. He’s all alone and can’t help wondering if his father left because he wasn’t worth hanging around for.” His voice cracked slightly. “God, I want to tell him! Everything inside me keeps screaming at me to hold him and tell him that his dad loves him, that he never would have been alone if I’d known about him!”

He blinked away angry tears and Mac felt the sudden sting in her own eyes. She’d seen Harm moved to tears on several occasions, and each time, the situation had involved family. It seemed to be the one area of his life where pain always lurked close by. She put a gentle hand on his knee. “I know you want that, but until we have tangible proof that you’re his father…”

He covered her hand with his, pinning her with a gaze so intense it should have been frightening. “For the first time in my life, I don’t need tangible proof. I know what my gut is telling me and that’s enough.”

“I see that,” she replied softly, “but none of us can feel what’s in your gut. Harm, we’ve got to do this the right way.”

“I know,” he sighed, “and I’m sorry I lost it with you a few minutes ago.”

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Forget about it, but unless you want to see someone really lose it, you’ll find somewhere to feed me pretty soon.”

Chuckling, he shook his head and put the car in gear. “I thought it was the army that marched on their stomachs, not the Marine Corps.”

~~~~~~

By the middle of the following week, Harm’s life had settled into a new and almost comfortable routine. On the days he visited Aaron, Mac was always waiting at his place afterward. Sometimes she made dinner for them, sometimes they ordered in. He tried not to bombard her with nonstop conversation about Aaron, but she always asked about him and about how the visit had gone.

He told her the highlights, but there was no way he could even begin to explain the incredibly deep bond forming between himself and that little boy. It was like nothing he’d ever known before. As he learned the intricacies of Aaron’s personality and moods, it was like watching a miniature version of himself, but a version with a far more optimistic view of life than he’d had at that age. He watched the boy struggle through several bouts of depression whenever he got to thinking about his mother, but he also watched Aaron throw off the mood and dive enthusiastically into some new adventure.

The junior flight simulator game was a huge hit. It took all of an hour before Aaron was better at it than Harm was. After beating him three times in a row, Aaron tossed the controls aside and leapt to his feet, doing a goofy little victory dance that had Harm laughing right along with him.

“Hey, no fair!” Harm protested. “I’m not used to flying in a two dimensional environment.”

Aaron gave him a strange look and Harm couldn’t decide if it was confusion or skepticism.

“I mean it,” Harm insisted, determined to salvage his reputation as a pilot. “If we were in a real plane, I’d show you....” Now that wasn’t a half bad idea. Pushing himself up off the floor, he ruffled Aaron’s hair. “Why don’t you play by yourself for a few minutes. I need to talk to Marsha.”

“Okay.” Aaron plopped down and fired up the game in single player mode.

Harm crossed the room to where Marsha was sitting, quietly observing them as she did every visit. “Can we talk outside?”

“Sure.” She rose and followed him out to the back yard.

“I didn’t want to say anything in front of Aaron until I confirmed it with you, but I’ve got a private plane I keep out at a small airfield. I’d like to take Aaron up for a ride this weekend.”

Her round features folded into a frown. “I don’t think so.”

“The plane is safe, if that’s what you’re worried about. I—”

“It’s not,” she interrupted. “Please don’t be offended by this, but the idea behind supervised visits is to—”

“To ensure I don’t steal him,” he finished bitterly. “It’s a sixty year old biplane with an open cockpit and a limited fuel supply. I’m also a naval officer with a career that happens to mean a great deal to me. I’m not going to fly off with him and disappear!”

She held up both hands in a defensive posture. “Hey, for what it’s worth, you’re preaching to the converted here, but my supervisors would never permit it.”

“You haven’t even asked them.”

“I don’t need to.”

“Try.”

She heaved a sigh. “All right. I’ll try to convince them, but only because I’ve seen you with Aaron enough to know that you do have his best interests at heart. Your trip for ice cream on Monday went all right, so that will help.”

Harm flashed her a grin, silently communicating his thanks. The trip on Monday had been a short car ride to get an ice cream cone. It was the first time he’d been truly alone with Aaron, and it had surprised the hell out of him when Marsha told them to go without her. On the return trip, he’d taken a different route and pointed out JAG HQ to Aaron. That led to a more detailed description of Harm’s current assignment with the navy, but Aaron was far more interested in hearing about his exploits on a carrier than those in a courtroom. Harm wasn’t sure he could blame the kid.

This is part 2 of a 3 part story

Part 1

Part 3